Explaining World Ideologies with the Assistance of Cows

 

Feudalism

  • You have two cows.
  • Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism

  • You have two cows.
  • The government takes them and puts them in a bam with everyone else's cows. You have to take
    care of all the cows.
  • The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism

  • Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
  • You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
  • The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism

  • You have two cows.
  • The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism

  • You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism

  • You share two cows with your neighbors.
  • You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
  • Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Russian Communism

  • You have two cows.
  • You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
  • You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika

  • You have two cows.
  • You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk.
  • You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market

Cambodian Communism

  • You have two cows.
  • The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarianism

  • You have two cows.
  • The government takes both and drafts you.

Totalitarianism

  • You have two cows.
  • The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Pure Democracy

  • You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk

Representative Democracy

  • You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy

  • You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad.
  • The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy

  • You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can
    milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
  • Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and ours the milk down the drain.
  • Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy

  • You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows
    and kill you.

Pure Capitalism

  • You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism

  • You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't
    have any cows to put up as collateral.

Enviromentalism

  • You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Political Correctness

  • You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war
    mongering, intolerant past) two differently -aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
    non-specified gender.

Surrealism

  • You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


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Date: 4 Jun 2011 | Author: mesmerX | Category: News | Views: 3888

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Comments: 2

Puss
This could not possibly have been more heplful!

MikeW
Funny, but true.

My father told about how, in post-WW2 Hungary, the gov't took most of the hogs, leaving each family farm only 1 animal. And they gave each farm a production quota for the coming year -- including pig production.

Now, even somebody who grew up in a city should understand that 1 pig can't be turned into sausages to feed the family, impregnate itself, and produce a litter of piglets!

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