During Valentine's Day most people are looking for one of two things: a present for a loved one, or a way to "love yourself". Don't look for these to satisfy either need. These products look sexual, but are made for other means... honestly!


1-The Banana Guard

This is one of those gizmos that really makes you wonder if designers really do have the filthiest minds ever or are just incredibly naive.

Customizable dildo ribbed for pleasure? Nope. An example of what male robot genitalia will look like should they ever add "doing it" to their skill set?

Guess again. This plastic, penis-like contraption is the Banana Guard and exists to save your fruit from harm.

Here is an apparatus that is not only pretty pointless (just how unbearable is a bruised banana?), but absolutely ridiculous in appearance.

Its curved bendy-straw construction allows for it to match any girth simply by pulling or pushing the rounded ends together or apart-evidently one size really does fit all. Hmmm, maybe the Banana Guard could be used to keep more than just your produce fresh and happy this Valentine's Day.


2-The Face Bank

Not only is this motorized bank highly suggestive, but it's also likely dangerous in the wrong, um, hands.

The bank actually takes in coins through its seemingly inviting slit-like mouth through a gentle chewing motion and afterwards swallows the money...(you thought I was going to say "shot" didn't you? Perverts.) But let me dissuade you from any wayward thoughts-the whole thing runs on grinding metals gears which are probably all very sharp and pointy

Don't say I didn't warn you...


3-Vibrating Rings

Coming *ahem* directly from across the pond, the GPS Rings are the latest in personal guidance gadgetry.

Designed by a woman for women, these rings are hooked up to a GPS unit which then instructs the wearer to get to their desired destination through a variety of vibrations which indicate which direction to travel.

What a nice change of pace-to have a vibrating ring figure out where to go rather than having to do all the instructing yourself.


4-Water Wigglies

These toys were designed to be just that-toys. As in for kids. Specifically they were made to help children with developmental disabilities to stimulate their tactile senses and motor skills.

But these toys soon became a staple at most dollar stores and found their way kids (and some enterprising adults) hands everywhere.

While the Water Wiggly doesn't have any electronic parts, the fluid inside the plastic tube moves about making it not only difficult to hold on to, but also hard to put down. It's like they boiled an inflatable doll down to one slippery, suggestive play thing.


5-Hand-held Personal Massagers

These babies come in all shapes and sizes ranging from dual nodes to a whopping 11.5" of vibrating power.

But no matter how lascivious these devices look, their manufacturers swear they are not, repeat NOT (did you hear that, Bible-belt), sex toys.

Granted, some of them are water-resistant (and you thought rubber duckies were the only fun bathtub toys), generate heat and pulsations through gel balls of varying degree of stiffness ("to deliver a lighter, more cushioned massage to the most sensitive areas"-I can't make that stuff up), ensure vibrations "are focused in the soft, flexible, spring-mounted head - and not in your hand," but there's nothing suggestive there, right? Right?


6-The Wii Remote

For all you gamers out there I know this entry won't come as a complete surprise. I'm willing to bet that anyone who's handled this controller during a game has had some randy thoughts about its naughty potential.

It's sleek, hard white plastic makes it easy to grip and the vibrations are certainly made to be noticed.

Now if only there was a game that made kept those electronic shudders coming so we could too!


7-The Kong Jawrobics Dog Toy

Even if you've never seen this gem of a chew-toy, the description of it alone is enough to make you think you're dealing with some potentially heavy-weight sex-toy material.

The bulbous rubber phallus comes in small, medium, large, and king sizes, and even in a black xtreme version should your dog have stronger than average chewing abilities. (So many inappropriate jokes, so little room to write...)

As you can see from above, this pet plaything looks more like something that should be found on the shelves at Good Vibrations next to a giant bottle of lube instead of your local PetSmart.


Source: http://www.omglists.com


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Date: 25 Sep 2008 | Author: mesmerX | Category: News, Pictures | Views: 14383

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