It's an unfortunate inevitability of life -- everybody poops.

And while this task can occasionally provide us with an opportunity to relax or engage in some deep thinking, there are other instances when this basic undertaking becomes a chore no person should have to endure.

Whether or not these stooling sessions can be tolerated, is often determined by one single factor: where it is taking place?

If you're alone in the privacy of your own home, why not make an hour of it and get some reading in?

However, if you're at work with your boss sitting in the adjacent stall, you'd better hold off on dropping anything for fear of creating an embarrassing splash.

With that in mind though, things could be worse, and here are seven examples of how much worse..


1-The Squat Toilet

The squat toilet, or the "no toilet" as I like to call it, is a terribly-designed contraption that requires the dumper to hover over a small hole and precisely aim his or her stool before releasing it.

Since this is the primary toilet in certain parts of the world, a wide-eyed Westerner can be certain that his first attempt at hitting this two-inch mark will most likely result in a fresh log between his feet.

Leading to the realization that if your dung is just going to end up on the ground, there is no reason to stand in this dank, public restroom to drop it.

Also, you'll have to completely remove any clothing below the waist, since you're most likely opposed to getting your feces on your pants.

TP can also be a problem in some of the squat toilets since a number of them aren't equipped to handle this apparent Western extravagance.

Instead, squat toilet patrons are content using their hand and some water, which they believe is just as effective and just as sanitary.

Ultimately, using these toilets will make you homesick.


2-The Gas Station

Simply put, these are the most vile, repugnant, and unkempt bathrooms on the planet. Since the opening of any gas station, not once has an employee walked into that waste collecting room with the intention of tidying things up a bit.

The poo that sits unflushed in the toilet is the same poo that has sat in that lavatory for the past 25 years, and it now has begun to move freely on its own.

Attempting to wash your hands in this room will only lead to the contraction of some sort of a disease and the walls appear to have some sort of goo running down them, which originates at the ceiling.

Also, this room seems like a strange place for a security camera to be located.


3-The Airport

Now certainly there are dirtier bathrooms than this, and as far as public pooping goes, it can be a lot worse.

However, there is one aspect of the airport restroom that has recently made us all question what else those toilet stall walls have seen. And that's Senator Larry Craig.

It's hard enough for me to get over the fact that maybe 5 minutes ago another man sat on this seat and emptied his waste, but to think that maybe a publicly elected official was in here copulating with a random stranger pushes me over the edge.

How do I overcome that fear?

Can I simply lay strips of toilet paper down over the seat, as if I was taking a normal #2? Or do I select the one odd stall without a door, knowing that surely a heterosexual Senator would be uncomfortable accosting me an exposed setting?

No, ultimately what I must do is hold it.

Hold it until I get on the plane and am able to enter a restroom where it's well known that people never engage in the act of fornication.


4-The House Party

You're attending what some annoying guy is describing as the most legendary party ever, when the large amount of spirits you've consumed starts to disrupt your bowels.

So you immediately locate that massive line of people looking to empty their alcohol, and join the congregation awaiting the one bathroom in the entire house.

Luckily, the line moves fairly quickly due to the fairer sex's ability to utilize a single toilet in large groups, and the fact that the majority of people are just urinating.

Unfortunately, as you reach the front, the line continues to grow behind you with people just as anxious to relieve themselves. Only they're not taking a #2 like you are.

As you finally enter what is always a very unkempt bathroom and proceed to clean off all the errant urine around the stool, you become completely aware that what you're about to do is going to take some time.

Not only will the massive and continuously growing line become increasingly upset as you attempt to poop, but eventually your bathroom-disrupting exploits will be known by all at this bash.

And that same annoying man who termed this party as legendary, will term your dump "the crap heard around the party."

Good luck hooking up now.


5-The Port-a-Potty

Here's what the Port-a-Potty brings to waste elimination sessions:

One--They're typically found in unfamiliar, public locations that can make an already-taxing exercise more stressful.

Especially, as you, the pooper, realize there's a massive line of concert or tractor-pull attendees waiting outside who will soon discover you've not taken a #1.

Two--Extremely unclean facilities that, due to their often-remote locations, don't easily accommodate cleaners.

Three--The disgusting split-second glimpse you get of that mysterious dung-urine-water that you're about to add to, right before either gingerly setting yourself atop the seat or hovering an inch above said seat. I wish man hadn't invented this monstrous building.


6-Your New Girlfriend/Boyfriend's House

Let's say you're about to leave your newly-acquired significant other's residence after your first sleep over, when nature suddenly decides this would be the perfect moment to defecate.

Maybe it's the nerves after a night of apprehensive tongue-kissing and heavy petting, or maybe it's the three-bean taco salad you ate prior to the caressing, but whatever the case, your body's telling you it needs to be relieved immediately.

Now the bathroom in this situation is certainly not the problem; it's clean, and probably provides some sort of reading material.

The problem is what will happen to this new and delicate relationship once the odorous evidence of your actions hits the air.

There may be an air-freshener, or perhaps you're carrying some matches, but that will only mask the smell, and the psychological damage of having your body demonstrate what it's like at its most foul will forever remain in the nostrils of their brain.

This will permanently change how your significant other looks at you.



Kids can be merciless. They will go to great measures to find any points of weakness in their unfortunate victims, and to a youth, finding out that someone has been pooping presents an incredible opportunity for ridicule.

Yet, at times your body requires you to crap at these academic establishments, and so you are immediately presented with the impossible task of somehow taking an undetectable dump, or completely leaving school. If you excuse yourself from class, the time you spend in the bathroom will surely be recorded by your callous peers, and upon return, you will be thoroughly mocked.

If you try and poop in between class, you'll be too worried about the possibility of being tardy, and you'll probably pinch it off before you're completely done.

And even if you muster up the courage to attempt this risky procedure, there's always the risk of someone walking in and berating you while you take part in what should be one of mankind's most private moments.

So please children, let each other poop in peace.


8-The Wilderness Toilet

This is essentially taking a #2 in a wall-less bathroom. Sure, you're in a pretty remote location, but it's not so remote that they haven't needed to accommodate other people with full bowels.

At any second, some fellow hiker could round that nearby group of trees and put an eyeball on you while you prepare to release yesterday's granola bar.

It's also safe to assume that since this toilet is on a path intended for people who want to get away from the hectic bustle of society, that same society's emphasis on cleanliness and sterile toilets is far removed as well.

And since the act of pooping leaves man at nearly his most helpless, this would seem like the ideal time for a voracious wild animal to attack.

So, not only is this an uncomfortable practice, but it's a dangerous one as well.




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Date: 21 Sep 2008 | Author: mesmerX | Category: News, Pictures | Views: 13152

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Comments: 7

I also read this while shitting

crying sad tongue

I read this while taking a shit laughing

I'd most wanna have a loud, disgusting poop outside.

Port-a-potties are the worst for me. At outdoor events they usually have them lined up next to each other and you can hear everything, especially if your friend or friends are in the ones next to you. Yeah, and it is really gross to see other people's poo; I cover mine up with tp when done.



My mother described the loud poop she had at Wal-Mart. Something about being a very quiet bathroom, despite the doors opening/closing. When she left, she saw 6 men lined up along the wall awaiting a urinal.

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