Once these Funny Stuff become reality you just know you are old. Enjoy...

  • Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  • It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  • It takes twice as long to look half as good.
  • People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… come back in style.
  • The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  • The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
  • The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
  • There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
  • You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
  • You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.
  • You have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
  • You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
  • You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
  • You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  • You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
  • You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
  • You give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
  • You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • You just can’t stand people who are intolerant.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
  • You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak …and they stay there.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  • You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.
  • You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.
  • You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
  • Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.
  • Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  • Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  • Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
  • Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
  • Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
  • Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
  • You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
  • Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
  • It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
  • You’re on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does
  • You want clothes for Christmas.
  • Your neighbors borrow your tools.
  • You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  • You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
  • You are proud of your lawn mower.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

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Date: 28 Aug 2008 | Author: mesmerX | Category: News | Views: 16153

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