Here's a list of various comeback jokes I got from various sites:

(In case you don't like them, I provided a list of other sites with some cool comeback jokes.)

• Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.

• Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.

• Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.

• Man: Do you want to dance? Woman: NO Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me...I said, You Look fat in those pants.

• Little Sister: Your Ugly. You: And your quite good looking...for a Gorilla, that is...

• Do you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion? Yeah, so I see...all spotty

• Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I'm going to mine.

• Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: No Entry

• Man: I know how to please a Woman. Woman: Well, please leave me alone.

• Friend: I've just come back from the Beauticians You: Pity it was closed...

• Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day! Woman: Go to hell

• Friend: I've changed my mind... You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?

• Boss: Employees like that don't grow on trees you know... You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them...

• Brother: Why do you smell funny? You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...

• Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a Female Impersonator.

• Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before? Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.

• Man: Say, haven't we met before? Woman: Yes, I'm the head Nurse at the VD clinic.

• Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: You know, you're dead right...I want you to go away!

• Wife: Darling, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older You: With luck, yes

• Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining? You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought

• Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here...

• You know, I've been asked to get married over a hundreds times. Yeah, but your parents don't count...

• How many people work in your office? About half of them

• Brother: I love biscuits You: That's cuz your crackers

• You: I reckon you'd make a great exchange student. Friend: Wow, you really think so? You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.

• Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before? Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.

Other "comeback jokes" sites:


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Date: 9 Oct 2007 | Author: mesmerX | Category: News | Views: 115161

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Comments: 72

dapickle | 7 Jul 2012 - 19:15
wink laughing
I like pickles!!

Guest | 25 Feb 2012 - 22:25
they wernt cmbaks just jks sad

You no | 8 Feb 2012 - 05:03
Yea man just crazy

febreeze your fanny | 20 Dec 2011 - 16:41
watare you lot on you think they are good jokessome of you cant even spell

Guest | 6 Dec 2011 - 22:55
these dont even come up in conversation,,,, they suck angry

Guest | 23 Nov 2011 - 20:04
THE ZOO CALLED AND THE GORRILAS WANT THEIR BUTTS BACK SO JUST TAKE OF THAT THING YOU CALL A FACE AND I'LL TAKE IT OVER

Guest | 22 Nov 2011 - 19:50
wow yall are so gay u come on here to make gayer jokes go kill ur self flammers and whores

jjjjjjake | 16 Nov 2011 - 21:49
there all crap xxx wink

Guest | 7 Nov 2011 - 08:36
Hey

Guest | 1 Nov 2011 - 23:42
Bitch

Guest | 31 Oct 2011 - 03:46
twinkle twinkle little slut, you like penis up your butt

or

your so gay you put your boxers on backwards just for easy access

omg555 | 27 Oct 2011 - 02:02
okay....this is good for a third grader.. angry really ithink there is more GOOD one out in this world

Guest | 24 Oct 2011 - 19:34
laughing these are all gaaay!!! ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Mark | 17 Jul 2011 - 16:01
smile wink wassat tongue laughing sad angry crying wink tongue laughing smile wassat tongue laughing
Earth is full get back to your home planet

Guest | 13 Jun 2011 - 17:42
lame,really,really lame

couchpotato | 13 Jun 2011 - 09:17
shut up you jewish nazi angry

Adolf | 9 Jun 2011 - 23:31
I hate jews

john | 9 Jun 2011 - 23:30
last time i heard that one i fell off ur mom!!!!

nick | 9 Jun 2011 - 23:29
oh haha, last time i heard that one i fell off my dinosaur

john | 9 Jun 2011 - 23:28
wow, i remember when i had my first beer

Guest | 30 May 2011 - 02:12
Fucking gay

Guest | 21 May 2011 - 20:35
smile

Justin Beiber | 21 May 2011 - 20:35
Im Justin Beiber XD

HAHA- | 21 May 2011 - 20:34
DOOOOR KNOOOOOOOOBBBB!!! laughing

Guest | 18 May 2011 - 23:32
i like how you all try to be cool when you comment on these,hmmm make ur own jokes up if you think these are gayy!

Guest | 1 May 2011 - 12:06
Are these the same wack jokes that were here 3 years ago? Go hang yourself laughing

Guest | 1 May 2011 - 06:13
this jokes are lame

Guest | 23 Mar 2011 - 22:52
these jokes are lame as fuckk

Guest | 16 Mar 2011 - 14:32
GAY angry

Guest | 12 Mar 2011 - 04:46
faaaaagggggggggg tongue

daddy now | 2 Mar 2011 - 12:00
well only about one is sutible around here

Us | 3 Feb 2011 - 00:34
These sentences that u call 'comebacks' are not good

tongue angry

Guest | 27 Jan 2011 - 20:36
shit jokeswassat

Henk | 3 Jan 2011 - 07:43
Ohhh I know y these jokes are so
The writer have humor problems

Guest | 28 Nov 2010 - 22:45
they are cool, not hurtful though. my friend just told me I want toilet paper for x-mas, cause i am full of shit -__- im not sure if to take this as offensive considering the fact that we are really close haha.

Guest | 26 Oct 2010 - 03:24
wow. wierdsmile

aj | 11 Oct 2010 - 20:34
laughing give it up for 2010 joker fo the year

!Shunderia ! | 1 Oct 2010 - 13:51
Thiss Mess is Whacc im Fussinqq with This dudee Now Lol he aniit qot nunn On Me ! Str** Like Dhatss On SSumm Real Meadowbrook Ghurlss ....laughing

felicia | 30 Sep 2010 - 18:59
these are the most uglyiest combackes everwink

Antoine Dodson | 12 Sep 2010 - 04:44
We go find you! So you can run and tell that homeboy

GUEST | 20 May 2010 - 08:40
smile smile smile LAME JOKES

Guest | 20 May 2010 - 08:37
ah this jokes r lamelaughing

Guest | 24 Feb 2010 - 15:55
oksmile wink wassat tongue laughing sad angry crying

mariah | 6 Feb 2010 - 18:08
the jokes were okaysmile

Guest | 30 Nov 2009 - 03:51
LAME angry

Zach Page | 14 Sep 2009 - 23:59
im gay

Guest | 12 Sep 2009 - 00:47
daddy yankee in the jokse peas out doglaughingtonguesmile

Guest | 11 Sep 2009 - 04:19
how do they come up with these wonderment of jokes, there so funny i could just die of laughing really really really funny funny funny funny

paige whitehead | 23 Aug 2009 - 21:07
hayy wut up wow yall are crazyyy lol

Guest | 17 Jul 2009 - 01:08
WACKKKKKK angry

Guest | 16 Jul 2009 - 01:44
Hillariousssmiletonguelaughingwassat:wi
nk:

ash | 1 Jul 2009 - 22:49
smilelaughingthis jokes are jijiji LOL hahaha jokes love it!!!!!

DESIREE | 11 Jun 2009 - 01:28
DEZ JOKES WERE A 7 OUTTA A 10 smile DA 1 DAT I THOUGHT WAZ REALLE WACK WAZ DA................LYTTLE SIS:U LUK UGLY
U:ND UR QUITE GUD LUKIN 4 A GORRILLA LYK REALLEwassat

| 4 Jun 2009 - 05:05
Cool!

Peace | 20 May 2009 - 20:35
l.o.l i was all sad + jokes^ = smile hehe they were funny i almost cryinged haha but mostly laughinging hahahahahahah

KLKG:) | 18 May 2009 - 01:01
Be kind to everyone and be fair and make good choices and good things may come up! always obey your parents!

KLKG:) | 18 May 2009 - 01:00
Treat people the way you want to be treated! smile

KLKG:) | 18 May 2009 - 00:58
i liked 1, 2, 4, and 5. Some of them are inaproperate and make no sence! I think that if people are gonna make a joke to make it nice and funny and approperate for everyone to use!!!

sisi56 | 22 Apr 2009 - 00:52
angry disz are so wack !!!

Mike | 14 Jan 2009 - 02:16
to heather1256, this is why the punch was invented, you dont have to talk but they wont if u hurt them, or make it physically impossible for them to talk....

babe cakez | 30 Nov 2008 - 20:38
smiletonguelaughingwink:laughi
ng:tonguewinksmilewinkwassat:t
ongue:
these jokes r so funny i think i mite use sum lol thanks

heather1256 | 20 Nov 2008 - 01:05
these are not that good because the kid in my class says curse words and i dont curse so i ignore him, i think neither of these work, put some more comebacks that actually will get the person to back off please. These will probably work for a couple of times. Good work.

gina | 12 Nov 2008 - 21:55
Lmaoo I'm so hot all u fuck can go to hell

gina | 12 Nov 2008 - 21:55
Lmaoo I'm so hot

chelly | 22 Oct 2008 - 01:23
laughingthese are funny

PinkkieXX | 29 May 2008 - 00:02
ok well no offence.. but most of these aren't that hurtful. There's better comebacks than this, if i were to say these, id get outran... anyways i like the one i can say to my x bf "whisper those three words that'll make my day" "go to hell" wink

dolfin | 12 Mar 2008 - 19:11
i like the first one.

poison | 4 Mar 2008 - 20:26
tongue wickked

| 3 Mar 2008 - 18:03
laughing MORE THAN COMBACKS IF YA ASK ME!laughing THOSE SOUND LIKE JOKES MORE THAN COMEBACKS

CYNTHIA | 1 Feb 2008 - 00:36
HEHE
HAHA
THESE JOKES ARE BOUT AS OLD AS A DINOSAUR......SIRECLEY
laughing
THATS WHAT YOU CALL FUNNY

Jamine | 13 Dec 2007 - 20:19
fun funwassat

| 20 Nov 2007 - 17:14
tonguelaughingreally funny

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